I Am Tom O'Bedlam
For those few, those happy few, who have never read King Lear, "Tom O'Bedlam" is a term for a madman. The first madhouse in Old London was called Bethlehem, corrupted as "Bedlam": thus, a person with the traits sought by such establishments was a Tom O'Bedlam.
There is only one trait necessary to be put in a college dormitory: you must be a student who can't get any other housing. There are, of course, some reasonably decent and functional individuals who fall into this category, but hey, no system is perfect. Once assigned to the college dormitory, you will share a cinder-block room with a complete stranger and fall asleep at night to the sound of shouting and retching. The source of the sound may be on the sidewalks, in the halls, or even in your very own room where apparently no one notices that you're trying to sleep. You'll have the vague feeling that you must have done something to deserve this (something, that is, beyond the crime of being young and ambitious, which no institution can forgive), but you may never find out what it was.
Here is my recommendation: find your college chapel. Yes, I know you're a university student and you wouldn't be caught dead in there, but this is an emergency. Go into the chapel, walk up the aisle, fling yourself down before the altar, and cry "Whatever it was, God, I'm sorry!" You may weep a little while you say it, if you're the weeping type. If you really want to go all out, I know a fabric store that will hook you up with some sackcloth, and ashes are obtainable at any ashtray on campus.
If you happen to be at Lewis and Clark College, as I am, here is a picture to aid you in finding the
chapel.
I know you're uncomfortable with religious buildings in general, and that's perfectly understandable, but there's no need to worry. No one can see you if no one is there, and the chance of anyone being there is, to use an apropos phrase, about the chance of an icicle in hell. God is not nearly as popular on college campuses as other spirits. Trust me: do the penance. Effectiveness is not guaranteed, but it'll be cathartic, and it just might change your life. Although I doubt it.
There is only one trait necessary to be put in a college dormitory: you must be a student who can't get any other housing. There are, of course, some reasonably decent and functional individuals who fall into this category, but hey, no system is perfect. Once assigned to the college dormitory, you will share a cinder-block room with a complete stranger and fall asleep at night to the sound of shouting and retching. The source of the sound may be on the sidewalks, in the halls, or even in your very own room where apparently no one notices that you're trying to sleep. You'll have the vague feeling that you must have done something to deserve this (something, that is, beyond the crime of being young and ambitious, which no institution can forgive), but you may never find out what it was.
Here is my recommendation: find your college chapel. Yes, I know you're a university student and you wouldn't be caught dead in there, but this is an emergency. Go into the chapel, walk up the aisle, fling yourself down before the altar, and cry "Whatever it was, God, I'm sorry!" You may weep a little while you say it, if you're the weeping type. If you really want to go all out, I know a fabric store that will hook you up with some sackcloth, and ashes are obtainable at any ashtray on campus.
If you happen to be at Lewis and Clark College, as I am, here is a picture to aid you in finding the
chapel.I know you're uncomfortable with religious buildings in general, and that's perfectly understandable, but there's no need to worry. No one can see you if no one is there, and the chance of anyone being there is, to use an apropos phrase, about the chance of an icicle in hell. God is not nearly as popular on college campuses as other spirits. Trust me: do the penance. Effectiveness is not guaranteed, but it'll be cathartic, and it just might change your life. Although I doubt it.
posted by Oliver Lemke at 3:49 PM
2 Comments:
I seem to remember reading that they hold zen meditation services in our campus chapel. I guess that's the thing with having a big campus?
Ok, off to try and plow through 150 pages of Plato's Republic...oh boy...(glad to see you blogging again!)
A new blog from Oliver! Yay! Even if it is depressing!
I'm not sure if I want you to become a big famous successful author or not. On the one hand, you're a great writer and a great guy and would deserve it, but on the other hand, the key to some of that stuff is to stay depressed, something I don't want you to do.
College chapels are too vage, generic, and non-religion specific to do any good. You've got to go straight to the local mosque, synagogue, or some church (preferably Episcopalian, but as long as it's not Baptist, it will do) to be successful in your endeavors.
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